by Joel Meszaros – Intern Therapist
Grief is brutal, it shows no discrimination, and it has no timeline. It is perhaps one of the most universal human experiences because not one of us has lived a life void of loss.
I know it can be easy to think of grief as something that is reserved for people who have lost a loved one. Though that is a devastating experience, we experience grief in so many ways and sometimes daily.
Kenneth Mitchell and Herbert Anderson in their book, All Our Losses, All Our Griefs, outline many kinds of losses, such as: Material loss, relationship loss, intrapsychic loss, functional loss, role loss, and systematic loss.
Here are some examples that are less commonly talked about:
You can lose parts of your home destroyed in a fire or be required to move homes. You can lose a special person in your life because of a breakup or even just have a relationship change because your friend gave birth to a baby. You can lose something that you felt was part of who you are as a person, like dreams you had for your life. You can experience physical pain and be limited in your abilities, whether it is chronic or not.
Your role as a partner may not be what you had hoped because your mental health struggles intensify. You can even experience a personal relationship system change, like losing a job or going to university.
Some of these examples have positive elements, but they all include loss and are worthy of taking time to grieve properly. Our bodies, minds, and spirits are crying out for these losses to be taken seriously.
Easier said than done though… Loss is a sneaky you know what… and I don’t know about you but for me, it’s easy to compare my suffering with someone else’s, like all the time! Phrases like, “Oh, well I should be grateful because even though I’m in pain, I can still walk”, flood my mind. Even sometimes friends can say things like, “This new house will be so much better and a fresh beginning for you.” These are good intentions but they invalidate the feelings of loss when change is experienced.
Change is loss.
Suffering is suffering.
You can drown in an ocean but you can also drown in a puddle. All our losses and all our griefs are worthy of mourning and until we grieve them, they will sit in us like poison insidiously damaging our insides. It is not only healthy to grieve, but incredibly human. I know it’s crazy uncomfortable to face these feelings, but taking time to grieve is the most effective way to get through the loss.
The last thing I will leave you with is this: An amazing man and Indigenous healer, Winchester Victor (winchestervictor.com), once taught me, “When it hurts, FEEL IT!”
If you’re curious about how to embrace your loss, please contact us at Re.Pose Therapy to book a session: info@reposetherapy.com